Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
