I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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