Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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