just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
