do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
