apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
