I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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