theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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