I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
