u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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