DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we're so committed to being not committed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
