does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
