if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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