I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
