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I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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