I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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