he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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