its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
