why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize