Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
