Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
