Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
