when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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