I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
