just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
