you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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