I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
