i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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