dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
