Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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