I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
