My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
