would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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