fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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