i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
