when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
