my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
