I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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