1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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