Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
