I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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