So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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