It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
