If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
