Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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