I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
