...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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