apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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