idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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