if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
