And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
