Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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