I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
