dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
