Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
