how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
