Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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