he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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