ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
