its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
