I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
