my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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