he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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