You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
