Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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