She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
