Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
