Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
