I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
