So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
