I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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