Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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