I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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