omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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