I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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