i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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