Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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