dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
