JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just had sex on a roof
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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