i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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