I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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