god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
