You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
