Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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