Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
