i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
