If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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