i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
