Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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