I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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