u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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