I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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