His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
