I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
