He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
