3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
