Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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