I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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