Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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