well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
