guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
