um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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