I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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