Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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