Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
