Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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