Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize