Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
