happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
