I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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