IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
