Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize