There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
