i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
